I'm sorry

[carly_kai]

That's one thing that I seem to have to say a lot lately and that's despite having been down that road so many times.

I'm sorry that I am Carly.

Fuck - it's not like I woke up one day and decided that that it would be fun to throw away 49 years of life to try to become female -hell no, that's a decision that was made internally when something went badly wrong with the connection between my neurons and genitals.

I'm sorry. I did not mean to hurt anyone.

Of course people are hurt and all I can do is be honestly sorry that things turned out this way - it's not like I had a choice so let me apologize and then please stop beating me up with it. You want me to have a choice? Okay - it was Carly or die. How's that for a choice? Are you happy now or have I made the wrong choice again?

I did nothing wong - why is the world punishing me...

I need to go to sleep but it won't come to me.
 

Comments

[angharads-house.livejournal.com]

Lady, you are who you are, and it's not your job to fit yourself into someone else's shoebox.

Come on around and we'll split that fine sherry.

love and raindrops,
------>Angharad

[jessie-c.livejournal.com]

You shouldn't be sorry for your birth defect any more than someone with a cleft palate or any other correctable medical condition should be. You were born this way and you had no choice about it.

Yes, transitioning can hurt friends and loved ones; it's almost inevitable but you're not responsible for how they react. All you can do is to be as open and honest as you can, and don't allow them to hurt you while you're doing it.

*hugs* A transguy who used to run a drop-in support group I frequented in my early transition doesn't call this a hero's jurney for nothing.